tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110906742011-11-12T14:03:10.955-08:00A search for meaning...Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.comBlogger641100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1146108340961593712006-04-26T19:37:00.000-07:002006-04-26T20:25:40.976-07:00

This will be my last entry in this blog. I think I've learned all I can using this. A shout out to those of you who have been my blog-mates from the get-go. Here's what I learned from you all, and of course, from myself:Life will pitch lemons at you. (Me) Squeeze them, add some vodka, and have a party! (Mitzzee)There are so many paths to walk in life. (Me) Find the one with passion and

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1142815645673340812006-03-19T16:15:00.000-08:002006-03-19T16:47:25.706-08:00

I've never felt so exhausted from doing nothing. The first day of spring break consisted of a VERY long fight between my dear mother and father. I have never wanted to slap the shit out of someone more than I wanted to backhand my mother that day. Bitching about every little thing, like her world was going to collapse in on her. I spent the next couple days house sitting and managing damage

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1140940463182073902006-02-25T23:32:00.000-08:002006-02-25T23:54:23.203-08:00

She called me in tears. Her husband was controlling her life and verbally abusing her...That was about 3 weeks ago. I havn't heard from her since then, no phone calls returned, not even word from her mother. I feel like something is wrong with her (either is or will be). This feels like it's my fault, and for the most part, it is. I never allowed myself to love her and, in a act of

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1140403895784312822006-02-19T17:37:00.000-08:002006-02-19T18:51:35.803-08:00

I was tagged earlier this weekend with the task of describing 8 points of my perfect lover. She has Red eyes, and I'll tell you why:Voice - Her voice, gentle, smooth, and capable of soothing a mob with a single word.Beauty - Fair skin, soft, delicate, and with sweet, inviting eyes. A mesmerizing beauty that I could gaze at for several lifetimes.Intelligence - She's a sharp and logical thinker

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1139806595377496302006-02-12T20:05:00.000-08:002006-02-12T20:56:35.400-08:00

This post is dedicated to every woman out there who has ever been in a relationship.Personally, I've only been in two relationships, but I now know more than your average bear when it comes to women and relationships. One of my ex-girls is getting married, and the other already is. I still talk with them on a regular basis when their husband/fiance isn't looking (they are both the jealous type)

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1138598971407069582006-01-29T21:06:00.000-08:002006-01-29T21:29:31.426-08:00

Remember when you were growing up? Your parents usually encouraged some behaviors over others, and from their encouragement/discouragement, you found a sense of what you wanted to do with yourself. Parents usually coerce their children into doing things: "You should tryout for the football team." "Why don't you do something more than just play guitar?" "You could be a lawyer like your old man

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1138167895927988722006-01-24T21:27:00.000-08:002006-01-24T21:44:55.966-08:00

A girl asked me that today after one of my classes. No matter how many times people ask me that, I never can get used to it. I don't know what that is, my mind simply draws a blank when people ask me my name. Looking back, I suppose I never really identified myself with a particular name. Different people called me different things, my Marine buddies just call me by my last name, my friends

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1137655273617427632006-01-18T22:42:00.000-08:002006-01-18T23:21:13.640-08:00

I passed by the local catholic church today. I felt compelled to go in and pray. How long has it been since my last reconciliation with God? I've got a lot on my shoulders needing forgiveness. What I wouldn't give for a simple sign from God. Just a quick flash in the direction I need to be going. When neither emotions, nor inner desires give drive in life, who am I supposed to turn to? All

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1137129824123447062006-01-12T20:49:00.000-08:002006-01-12T22:32:12.056-08:00

She got married tonight. I attended the wedding, as I had promised. I'm happy for her, I truely am. He's a good young man, and there's no doubt in my mind that he'll take care of her. They looked so happy together, I don't think I've ever seen her so happy. Hard to believe that a little over two years ago we had just met. She had a rough childhood, and little aim for the future. And in two years

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1136956048513096142006-01-10T20:11:00.000-08:002006-01-10T21:07:28.536-08:00

That's it. I've had it, I'm done playing the 'nice guy'. I'm tired of being a gentleman. It's not that my attempts to be nice backfire, it's just that I get nothing in return. Is that why I've been nice? Just so I can meet the approval of others? Is that all that my good deeds are? A request for attention?No, there's more to it than that.Whatever, so be it, I'm done.You still owe them...For what?

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1136529997669978222006-01-05T21:57:00.000-08:002006-01-05T22:48:43.970-08:00

Have I written about Stacy? I can't remember, and guessing by my previous blogs, I must not have introduced her, so here's a brief synopsis:Stacy and I met after my first party back from Quantico about a year-and-a-half ago. We started dating for a while and it was off and on between us. I told her not to fall in love with me when we first started (a lot of good that did) but she became convinced

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1136353911491964212006-01-03T21:35:00.000-08:002006-01-04T19:58:08.726-08:00

Despite the hellacious past couple months that I dare call 1 semestre of college, I managed to stay on track with my grades and am still eligable for my commissioning. On a side note, I saw Megan again, at least I think I saw her...It's not the first time my eye's have played tricks with her face. Nothing like having old scars crop up once and a while (it reminds you that you're still alive) .

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1135444467360832082005-12-24T09:10:00.000-08:002005-12-24T09:14:27.386-08:00

T'was the day before christmas...man, I am sooo gonna get krunked. I'll give you all a more meaningful post tomorrow, for now enjoy the holiday season with whomever you can.Fill your hearts with christmas cheer and fill your mugs with christmass beer!**Myself and the surgeon general encourage you to drink responsibly and very VERY liberally. Bottoms up! Merry Christmas!**

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1135021353876069042005-12-19T10:54:00.000-08:002005-12-19T11:42:33.893-08:00

The semester is over, life is winding down. I was finally able to spend some time with my family this weekend. Funny how those simple things become the most important to you when you don't have them. I've found that I enjoy spending more time with my dog than any bar here in college town. I can't wait till I get one of my own, a Siberian Husky, a Pembrooke Welsh Corgie perhaps, something,

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1132768390547314352005-11-23T09:35:00.000-08:002005-11-23T09:53:10.563-08:00

It's amazing, really. Just when life seems like it'll stay steady, and that nothing will change, life revs up the engine, passes you a full bottle of liquor, and says "you're gonna need that." How long has it been? 2 months? It's seemed like a lot more. So much has happened, I don't know how to explain it all, but here goes:My ex still wants me back (Lord knows how I'm going to deal with this

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1126665325275378072005-09-13T19:12:00.000-07:002005-09-13T19:35:25.283-07:00

There are so many. He wants to be a part of them. They seem so happy. He shouldn't be there. They walk past him. He doesn't feel them. This is their world. He want's to exist.What happened to me? When did I fade back into the shadow? Why do I no longer shine? What have I become? Day in and day out, the drone carries his load and does what he is supposed to. Why can't I sleep at night?

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1126013529075170472005-09-06T06:12:00.000-07:002005-09-06T06:32:09.083-07:00

I don't claim to be a wiseman, I'm not a gypsy, and I certainly can't give you a five day forecast for the weather. But over the past couple years I've had...feelings about certain people. Feelings about events or occurances that would happen to them later on, and unfortunately most of them have been correct. It doesn't get much worse than knowing about something bad and then not being able to

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1124942361527599902005-08-24T20:44:00.000-07:002005-08-24T20:59:21.536-07:00

I've been reluctant to blog about this because I wanted to wait until the situation was under control. My cousin is a LCpl in the Corps, and has been going through some rough times, rough enough that he wants out. He's only 19, but he's seen more than someone at that age should have, and it's understandable that he would want to quit, however I think it's more complicated than that. He's a

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1124763505301193952005-08-22T18:11:00.000-07:002005-08-22T19:18:28.400-07:00

When you strive hard to achieve a goal, and you think you've obtained it, there is always something (or a few somethings) that comes along and make you stop and really question it. I've come a long way to be what I am today. I started out cold, and over the years I've worked hard to supress and control that. I recently gave some advice to a guy who was having "girl issues" (guys, you know what

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1124467461865028572005-08-19T08:39:00.000-07:002005-08-19T09:28:22.073-07:00

My monotony of college preparations and other such trivial matters were broken up by a late night trip to The Beach. Strip clubs were never really a big deal with me. Paying women dollars to rub breasts in your face (or private dances for more) just didn't, and still don't appeal to me. But having never been to one before last night, I figured I should go...that, and Kris demanded I go. It was

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1124204352880991632005-08-16T07:56:00.000-07:002005-08-16T07:59:12.893-07:00

Angel reports situation normal, all fucked up. There's just a lot of things going on right now, few of them good. I'll give you all a full report once I've gotten this stuff taken care of. Drink one at the bar for me.

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1122872841027405132005-07-31T21:59:00.000-07:002005-08-01T08:14:33.526-07:00

I can sum up my activities in this: [ . . . . . . . . ] Eight spaces of nothing important. Yard work here, PT there, college payments everywhere. The kind of boring monotony that you can only find in the civilian world. "Why don't you go out and do something?" you ask? I don't know. While I was at Quantico I had a huge plan of all the things I would do when I got back, but now that I'm here, I

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1122043546400960132005-07-22T09:18:00.000-07:002005-07-27T12:29:10.300-07:00

Looking back at OCS (the whole twelve weeks), I don't think I would have made it through had things not gone exactly as they did. Had Gallon, Casper, Bishop, and Rubino not been there for PLC Juniors, or if Green, Silverberg, Ridyard, and Yaghnam not been there PLC Seniors, I definetly would not be who I am today. I owe them a lot, and I intend to pay them back through my service in the Corps.At

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1121802649594837992005-07-19T10:58:00.000-07:002005-07-19T12:50:49.603-07:00

Day Thirty-eight: The Field Meet Nothing brings us together better than the spirit of competition (coupled with violence of action). The meet consists of several events that are physically demanding in their own unique ways.The first event is the O-course relay. A team of the most agile candidates from each company is called up to run this event. The first person goes over the first

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1121656685909301252005-07-17T20:13:00.000-07:002005-07-17T20:18:05.916-07:00

Day Thirty-four: Our Band of Brothers It's when the run is over, when the struggles cease, when the long day closes that we take the time to see and reflect on what we've accomplished. We are finish the fifth week of training and as our training approaches it's end the platoon's morale is on the rise. I'd like to think I've bonded well with over half the platoon. Everyone recognizes me for

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1121441440465428352005-07-15T08:11:00.000-07:002005-07-15T08:30:40.483-07:00

Day Twenty-Four: Quicksand My downward spiral of failure continues at an inconsistant beat. On the rare instances in which I don't fail at something, I pass with flying colors. While I may show discipline, heart, and motivation (for the platoon), I'm ranked one of the lowest in the squad by our platoon commander despite having a 93% gpa. What good is heart if I can't use it to get through

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1121356359376660562005-07-14T08:12:00.000-07:002005-07-14T08:52:39.383-07:00

During our training at OCS, candidates are assigned billets. A billet is a rank that gives the candidate both authority and responsibility based on his rank. A Corporal is the fireteam leader billet, a Sergeant is either a squad leader or a platoon guide. A Staff Sergeant is the platoon sergeant, a 2nd Lieutenant is the platoon commander, and so on and so forth. Billets are rotated every 3rd

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1121263216354806802005-07-13T06:43:00.000-07:002005-07-13T07:00:16.360-07:00

Those who don't follow a religion quickly learn to at least pretend. The alternative to going to sunday service is whatever the Sergeant Instructors want you to do. Needless to say, those of us who wern't religious joined one very quickly. Our platoon was divided into Catholics, Protestants, and Latter Day Saints (LDS). Normally the protestants had their own service, but a few times they went

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1121178138197996642005-07-12T07:14:00.000-07:002005-07-12T07:22:18.203-07:00

For those who may not know the term "hump" is used to define a hike. I'm not sure as to the origin of the term, but I'd like to think that it is used to make up for the lack of sex during training.Day Six: The First Hump Never before have I questioned my presence here as much as I did today. I almost fell out of today's hump. Perhaps it was the malnutrition, or the dehydration that got me,

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1121054861506981282005-07-10T21:07:00.000-07:002005-07-10T21:07:41.516-07:00

Day Three: Initial PFTHow is it that I can do this? How is it that I can face a challenge with absolutely zero confidance and somehow manage to perform well? Today I scored my best PFT ever with: 17 pull-ups, 100 sit-ups, and a 21:25 3-mile run. So now Quantico is my home for the next six weeks. The in-processing session is over and tomorrow we will meet our sergeant instructors. Looking back now

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1121033224007040362005-07-10T14:53:00.000-07:002005-07-10T15:07:04.013-07:00

During training I found a few rare times in which I could scribble my thoughts into a journal. This is the first of eight logs that I wrote while at OCS.Day One: Recieving I find that my memories of last year are slowly returning, particularly the meaning of the phrase "Hurry up and wait." It is good to see some of my buddies from last year, Silverberg, Green, Jenkovic, Wiktor...just to

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1120947637682578562005-07-09T15:15:00.000-07:002005-07-09T15:27:06.906-07:00

I've returned from the most intense training/screening/evaluating I have ever been through. I'll tell you all about it later. My plane got back last night (8 July, 2100) and I'll need a few days of R&R and time to confirm my orders. After that, I'll fill you all in on what happened.A quick side note - Thank you to all who gave me support, I didn't get to read everyone's messages before I left but

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1117126917436452512005-05-26T10:01:00.000-07:002005-05-26T10:04:19.260-07:00

The time has come once again to put my pen down, set aside my difficulties, and pick up my rifle... My plane leaves at about 0600 this Sunday. Unlike last time, I have no idea what my training will be like and I suppose it's not knowing that has me uneasy. I'm not afraid that I'll get injured and incapacitated, but rather, that I'll screw up the written tests like I did last year. Something

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1116875192031630452005-05-23T11:39:00.000-07:002005-05-23T12:06:32.036-07:00

Nothing pisses me off worse than a interference when I'm trying to help someone or a group of people. My ex (more of a friend with benefits), wanted to see her latest ex off before he left for NYC (his previous home). Since I'm the only one with a car and a decent set of arms, I accompany her. Upon arrival I meet the boy's family (by boy, I mean 30 year-old pretending to be 20). The family is

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1116433547562393702005-05-18T09:21:00.000-07:002005-05-18T09:26:21.973-07:00

Mittzee posted a quiz on her blog. My results are as follows:Your Deadly SinsLust: 80%Pride: 80%Sloth: 60%Gluttony: 40%Envy: 20%Greed: 20%Wrath: 0%Chance You'll Go to Hell: 43%You'll die from overexertion. *wink*How Sinful Are You?I guess I'm not as bad as I thought I was. Take the quiz and feel free to comment your results here. I'd be rather interested to see how many of you are sinners and

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1116189884005033862005-05-15T13:44:00.000-07:002005-05-15T21:04:25.356-07:00

"...whatever makes you call yourself cruel?"A name is something that reflects it's bearer. It symbolizes their beliefs and who they are. I've adopted my name from the choices I've made in my life thus far. I've helped and I've hurt. I've brought immense joy to people and I've brought pain upon the very same. I despise love, yet I can't seem to stay away from it. I hate God, but I help God's

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1115610599057832422005-05-08T20:21:00.000-07:002005-05-08T20:49:59.123-07:00

It has been over a year since the war in Iraq started. In a few days it'll will have been a year since my brother's death. War is something that most people in the world seemed to have forgotten about. They grow soft when they forget the value of human life, and like a strict nun at a catholic school, it is the pain of death that educates them. My cousin came back a few days ago as I had

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1115397745782610062005-05-06T08:42:00.000-07:002005-05-06T09:42:25.850-07:00

For being someone who doesn't smoke and drinks only in the company of a select few, I certainly spend a lot of time around smokers and drinkers. But most importantly, I got to spend time with Kris again. Granted, I spent more time looking out for her than I did anything else, but it's a chore I don't mind doing. Generally it isn't much of a chore. Occasionally there will be a problem with "

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1115001106909070152005-05-01T18:39:00.000-07:002005-05-01T19:31:46.910-07:00

I've been blogging for a while now. I had hoped that by reading through my entries I could analyze what was wrong with me and what it is that I'm supposed to do. I'm still scarred by my love of the Angel whom I can never have, I rejected the affections of someone who saw who I was behind the mask and still loved me despite the demon, I'm as vain and narcistic as I was years ago, I've cast aside

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1114658594129682422005-04-27T20:16:00.000-07:002005-04-27T20:23:14.130-07:00

Perhaps it was the fact that I had alot riding on this PFT...or the fact that I didn't want to let my family, nor my Captain down. Either way, I passed with my best PFT score yet. Despite having not ran in a few months.Sit-ups: 100Pull-up: 183-mile run: 22:30Again I'd like to give a shout out to everyone who gave me support in my last post. Believe it or not, that helped get me motivated. I

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1114483556573165212005-04-25T19:16:00.000-07:002005-04-25T19:45:56.576-07:00

It is said that when it rains, it pours. This week and next will certainly affirm that. In addition to studying for finals, choreographing my dance, setting up yet another meeting time with my ex (pitiful, isn't it?), I recieved a call just now from my Captain. I am to report to the campus armory this wednesday for my PFT (physical fitness test). I don't fear anything, and I will never tell

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1114312335159374502005-04-23T20:12:00.000-07:002005-04-23T20:28:33.116-07:00

"...and the truth is that it's all a facade.""There's a face that we wear till the nighttime appears,and what's hiding inside behind all of our fears,is our true self...locked inside the facade."

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1114270583861288782005-04-23T08:36:00.000-07:002005-04-23T08:38:43.573-07:00

My anger and my frustration...May it burn you all...

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1114215960163263262005-04-22T16:45:00.000-07:002005-04-22T17:26:00.166-07:00

I've started choreographing my composition for Dance-120. It was by shear luck alone that I found someone to dance with me. Most of the class planned on doing their own thing, leaving me with an idea, but no one to help me "get it on paper" so to speak. I chose to choreograph "Simple and Clean" by Hikari Utada from the Kingdom Hearts soundtrack. Today was our first session of brainstorming.

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1114056133393617012005-04-20T20:43:00.000-07:002005-04-20T21:02:13.393-07:00

As I said in the previous post, I had agreed to meet with my ex a second time. That second time was last night and part of this morning. I'm sure you can guess what happened. However, last night was a f*cking marathon. My motives this time were the same as last time: Show up any potential competition that would dare think they can do it better than me, and increase the number of orgasms I can

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1113788990752351042005-04-17T17:52:00.000-07:002005-04-17T18:49:50.753-07:00

This weekend was...interesting to say the least. My ex-girlfriend (1st) IM'ed me about meeting with her for a bite, watching a movie, and fixing her computer. I'm a sucker for women (even pill-popping ex's who stab your back) so naturally I agreed. Sure enough, one thing led to another and we ended up in my bed with our clothes off. I made sure that any other guy that she would be intimate

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1113487781803168152005-04-14T06:43:00.000-07:002005-04-14T07:09:41.803-07:00

I look around and all I hear are talks of love. Even while looking through blogs, all I see is love this, love that. I suppose it is that season, but still, its enough to make one sick. Let me tell you something about this "wonderful feeling" of love...Love isn't a many splendid thing...Love doesn't life you up where you belong...And you need more than just love. If a man claims to love a

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1113275416976499912005-04-11T19:48:00.000-07:002005-04-11T20:10:16.976-07:00

Today was the start of what promises to be at least two more days of spring rain. I had gone out for a stroll in it earlier. Normally I don't like water, but the pressure system has me feeling mild enough to accept anything. Like most people, I too enjoy the rain, despite my distaste for water. It rejuvinates us and calms us. I need a good rest. The past few weeks have taken their toll on

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1113109275242793182005-04-09T21:30:00.000-07:002005-04-09T22:01:15.246-07:00

I don't believe in predicting the future. I do, however believe in predicting the rhythm. As I said before, the wind forebode a good change, something big. Indeed, something big this weekend did happen.I come home to find that my sister, whom I have trained and protected as much as any one brother can, made National Honor Society. An outstanding recognition of her talents and academic

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1112890803767999972005-04-07T08:42:00.000-07:002005-04-07T09:20:03.770-07:00

It is time to ignore the yearnings of the heart, the pain of the body, and the confusion of the mind. I can no longer afford to linger on my thoughts of dispair and doubt. Something else has caught my mind. Another though, a foresight perhaps...Something strengthens me...perhaps the Gaia? It doesn't matter. Something is coming. I know not what it is, but something good. I think it's good.

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1112731969279834302005-04-05T12:42:00.000-07:002005-04-05T13:12:49.280-07:00

It was a year ago, two days before my birthday that my grandmother died. She was a wonderful woman, and a kind and caring soul. A month later, it was my brother. He was a great Marine, and had come a long way for only being 19. This year it is my great grandmother. The joy of turning 21 were met with the sorrow of death yet again. I was hoping that this year would make up for last year, but

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1112453917405720782005-04-02T06:58:00.000-08:002005-04-02T06:59:48.046-08:00

My world of black and white...of good and evil...of joy and pain.

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1112453478994419492005-04-02T06:51:00.000-08:002005-04-02T07:00:58.110-08:00

So this is who I am...and this is all I know. This is what I see through my eyes...my reflection. This is my only truth...

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1112259692314223652005-03-31T00:42:00.000-08:002005-03-31T01:01:56.176-08:00

Affairs come and go. Marrages form and divorce. Boyfriends dump their girls for the more attractive woman. Girlfriends dump their boyfriends for the more intelligent man. But one thing that we can always rely on is our best friend.It's 0250 CST and I feel compelled to write. Why? Because I have just gotten back from my best friend's apartment. She's been with me since I started college (and

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1112075669939242552005-03-28T21:37:00.000-08:002005-03-28T21:54:29.943-08:00

Again, life throws my heart a curve...I was too captivated by her to think that she'd might already have a boyfriend (as I found out today). So chalk up another one. Another potential girlfriend lost, and yet another female friend gained. To what end? Only God knows. I've collected so many friends from attempting to date them that one could argue it's a hobby of mine. You'd think I'd be used

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1111982346202395962005-03-27T19:25:00.000-08:002005-03-27T19:59:06.203-08:00

I approach the new weekend with an almost rejuvinated spirit. Not because of the easter holiday (I'm a blaspheming heathen anyway). But rather in anticipation of the weeks events. I've got two papers due this week, at the end of which, I'll be installing a new mailbox for my family back home. I'm sure another programming project will be assigned today, and I'm sure more people will come to me

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1111509553747891572005-03-22T08:16:00.000-08:002005-03-22T08:41:18.163-08:00

I had always believed that I was invincible. I always tried to maintain the "cool and well-composed" image. The kind of guy that gets women wrapped around his pinky, but never falls for any of them. Someone who could win over anybody regardless of who they are. And then I meet someone...different.What is it with her? Why can't I stop looking at her? We've exchanged more glances than a banker has

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1111382535729348442005-03-20T20:53:00.000-08:002005-03-21T09:08:43.296-08:00

Last weekend I visited the Family Fun Center here in town. A local arcade where some of the best Dance Dancers in the area gather. For those of you who don't know, I'm referring to the game "Dance Dance Revolution" look it up sometime. There I met some phenominal Dance Dancers who blew even me away. I'm not one to brag, but I'm an avid freestylist (one who makes up choreography and actually

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1110521745999808592005-03-10T21:50:00.000-08:002005-03-10T22:15:46.000-08:00

My question that shall never be answered:My first encounter with death was the 2nd of Febuary, 1992. A brain tumor slowly destroyed my mother's motor functions and ultimately her vital functions. I was 8 at the time, just barely old enough to understand what death was. My sister was only 4, but I think she understood as well.My second encounter was when one of my grandmothers had cancer. I

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1110260322611148112005-03-07T21:11:00.000-08:002005-03-07T21:38:42.613-08:00

I thought life was black and white, good and bad, right and wrong. I was wrong. Life is illogical, irrational, grey... There are things that should not be. I thought I was strong, that I could withstand anything that life could throw at me. I felt like I was supreme, despite my inner conflict. The conflict made me whole.For every good and noble person in this world there is an equal opposite

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1110171202089425692005-03-06T20:40:00.000-08:002005-03-06T20:53:22.090-08:00

Women have been, and will always be, a mystery to me. It seems as though both my ex-girlfriends had backup boyfriends in ready supply when we broke up. Do women stockpile men into some kind of list? Going out with them in order of precedence? I'm beginning to wonder if I myself havn't been put into my best friend's list as a backup in case her boyfriend drops the ball.It's absolutely amazing

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1109972474270094672005-03-04T13:24:00.000-08:002005-03-04T21:10:32.906-08:00

These past two weeks have been terrible, like quicksand. I'll not waste your time griping about specifics, but there is one specific thing I must say. This past week has been off. I say that in a universal sense. It just seems like life was out of sync. A few of my peers that I talked with earlier felt the same way, a lot of sudden negative feelings and changes occured this week. It wasn't just

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1109904257297122102005-03-03T18:25:00.000-08:002005-03-03T18:44:17.296-08:00

Tonight I said goodbye to someone who loved me very much. She tried her hardest to make me happy. She would do anything for me, even wait all 8 years when I'd be serving active duty. But in the end I discarded her...It just didn't feel right. But then again, nothing seems to feel right anymore. I set this image on myself that I have to be alone, that my path that I walk is for myself and

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11090674.post-1109393183472851782005-02-25T20:27:00.000-08:002005-02-28T20:30:07.896-08:00

"We all desire to be told that we've the true poetic fire.But once, to one whose name I shall not mentionI said, regarding some verse of his invention,that gentlemen should rigorously controlthat itch to write which often afflicts the soul;That one should curb the heady inclinationto publicize one's little avocationand that in showing off one's works of artone often plays a very clownish part."-

Cruel Angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02404055298853258892noreply@blogger.com1