Two Roads

Remember when you were growing up? Your parents usually encouraged some behaviors over others, and from their encouragement/discouragement, you found a sense of what you wanted to do with yourself. Parents usually coerce their children into doing things: "You should tryout for the football team." "Why don't you do something more than just play guitar?" "You could be a lawyer like your old man." But what happens when there is no coersion? What happens when there is no desire to rebel because there is nothing to rebel against? What is a person supposed to do when they have a world of options? They do what they want. Therein lies my problem.

Ever since childhood I have always done as I have been told and suggested to do. My mother and father have always been there to tell me what I should do, and the best way to do it. I never really had to think for myself, just follow the orders given to me. Did I have a will and desire of my own? Of course. But, I learned not to care. All that really mattered was the sastisfaction of others. If I did what I was told, then I'm doing what I am supposed to do. Some people feel that there are certain things they are supposed to do in life, certain "callings" if you will. I don't feel that. I don't feel pulled in any direction right now, or ever before. I do as I'm told. It's what any trained boy does.

So what should I do with this life? I'm well on my way to a commission in the Marine Corps. The training is behind me and all that lay ahead is the trials of college, which are by no means easy for me (I'm not the intelligent type). But now a new path has opened up. The Peak Agency, one of the major talent agencies in Iowa might be willing to represent me. If this goes through, I could find myself actually able to persue acting on a professional level. But I can't act and be in the Corps at the same time.

Do I persue acting? Do I leave my training and my brothers behind and chase after my passion of drama? Or do I forsake my dream and stand amongst the ranks of those who would fight for our continued freedom? Would I really have a chance in the entertainment industry? Would I be dishonoring my brother's memory if I backed out now? Would I stain the reputation of those who went before me and those who will go in my place? I've asked God these things but I hear no reply. I can only pray that my path, what I am supposed to do, will seek me out. Till then I'll believe in myself and keep fighting.

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both..."